“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
JustKristin (via jaimelannister)
Wow. praying for all those suffering from mild to chronic depression
I have seen this before, I need to reblog it just so people can understand. Everything is true and it is no hyperbole. I want to highlight and comment on a few of the best bits.
You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage.
All of these. Especially the garbage thing. Its shameful, the state I let things get in, and I’m ashamed so I don’t let people see how I live. Also, you let your grades plummet because going to class is equivalent to a pipe dream. Hah, gong to class would be great! So would be winning the lottery!
So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
I’m not sure people can imagine the guilt and shame that comes with depression, because you compare yourself to “everybody else” and wonder why you can’t be like that. Why you can’t have a clean room. Why you can’t brush your teeth. Why you can’t go to class. The basic things others find easy and second nature you can’t do, it makes you feel pathetic.
You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself.
Nail on the head, again. My thoughts (suicidal, depressed, anxious, self loathing) are so strong, it is literally like mind control, and it takes all of my being to fight through it to accomplish something. That, and depression leaves you physically exhausted.
I just…I can’t begin to express how it makes me feel, seeing these words written by someone else, who is like me and it makes me feel validated.
There are times, even while taking medication, that the never ending void is still there, and hungry for the relit spark of light. It is a never ending battle, fighting the depression, and sometimes it clears up, but battles nay be won, but the war still goes on. Fight on brave souls. There is people out there who know and understand where you are and what your going through.
(Manic depressive & PTSD makes a bad combo)